Another Reflection on the Power of Affirmation

1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. We all have been beaten down by life to one degree or another. Here, Paul here suggests that part of true biblical brotherhood, what the New Testament calls koinonia, is helping each other get better. And one way we can get better—get built up—is through encouraging or affirming one another. How is it that encouragement can build us up? Well, primarily, affirmation helps us grow, both personally and spiritually, because when someone affirms us and believes in us, it helps free us to more fully manifest the person God created us to be. It can empower us to more fully live out our Ephesians 2:10 calling.

One of the most amazing illustrations that I have ever seen of the power of affirmation to build someone up is my wife. My wife is an amazing, loving, vivacious, funny, gifted, servant-hearted woman of God. But she was not always like that. I mean, she always had that within her, but because of a variety of experiences throughout her life, it was, to a large degree, not expressed. 

When we met, because of some past hurts, she had a very damaged self-esteem and an extremely negative view of her abilities and spirituality. Also, she was extremely shy, horribly self-conscious, and never wanted any attention on herself. Hence, she would never do anything like pray out loud or share her testimony and as I found out when we first started dating, she was extremely uncomfortable dancing in public. The only spiritual gifting she saw herself as having was to serve behind the scenes. She felt utterly inadequate to lead anything or teach anyone anything. And she was extremely hard on herself when she made a mistake—that is, until I came along. And again, I take no credit for this—it's totally the grace of God.

Since then, over the years, I have relentlessly expressed my utter adoration for her. I have constantly affirmed her and expressed my belief in her giftings and abilities. I have lovingly tried to help her see herself differently—to see herself as I see her and, more importantly, as the Lord sees her. I have intentionally made what is important to her, important to me and am constantly seeking to find ways to serve her and meet her needs. Every morning that it's humanly possible, I bring her coffee in bed. And when she offers a distinct perspective on an issue, instead of being defensive, I receive it with gratitude and allow it to inform my own perspective. I have encouraged her to stretch herself in ministry, striving to lead her in that direction by example, as we have ministered together and have taken numerous missions trips together. 

Although I have been nowhere close to perfect, and although we have the normal challenges of less-than-perfect communication, and although we experience the normal differences in how men and women experience reality, I have never once put her down, never once criticized her, and never once said a negative word about her personality or appearance. And do you know what has happened? Well, even though she still struggles with most of the things I listed, she has blossomed. She is experiencing ever-increasing freedom to manifest the amazing person she is. She is on our Sunday morning prayer team at our church. She teaches sewing, knitting, and crocheting at the homeschool co-op. She leads the women's craft group and the quilting group that makes our baby and bereavement quilts for our church. And, more significantly, she is learning to ever more clearly discern the voice of the Lord and obey it.

On mission trips, she has shared and prayed for people, and every time I turned around, she would have befriended a total stranger. She is easily approachable and a person who people are drawn to. And spends almost every week serving and caring for people. My encouragement of her has had a significant impact on her. But, Not only that, it has also been a massive blessing to me. I have found the saying, "Happy wife, happy life," to be absolutely true. I'm an extremely happy boy.

That is the power of encouragement and affirmation. In fact, my hero in the New Testament is not Paul, or Peter, or any of those guys. It's Barnabas. In Acts chapter 4, Luke says his name means "the son of encouragement." He was the one who continued to believe in John Mark when Paul wrote him off. John Mark had deserted Paul and Barnabas during their first missionary journey and then later wanted to join them on journey number two. But Paul would have none of it. Mark had messed up and Paul was done with him. Barnabas, however, wanted to give him a second chance. When Paul was intransigent, Barnabas was so ardent in his support of John Mark that he ended up splitting with Paul and went out on his own with Mark. So, how did that work out? Pretty well, I'd say. John Mark, or Mark as we know him, went on to write the Gospel of Mark.